Ok I Wrote A Book Please Tell Me What You Think Of My First Chapter?

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Love is Life Love is Death Love is..........'

They looked through the screen door staring at my mother and I with hungry eyes
I saw myself I was in the small arm chair laughing my face was red and the house was worm. Their was a faint smell of left over lazana in the air my mother took a bite and her face turned green she quikle chewed and swallowd. The vision faded into blackness I heard my mother say
something moffled then cold hand grip my shoulders I was shivering vigorously I was so cold. Three words broke through the darkness "Wake Die and Alex" this got my attention I used all my might to pull out of the darkness I felt my energy fading I Jolted awake my black hair a tangled mess I was covered in a thin lair of sweat my mother was on my bed staring at me with concern all she said was 'its time'" and that was all I needed to hear
"we cant wait any more" my mother said I looked confused but didint question
it further"do you think they would try again after last time" I asked getting out
of bed and grabbing a brush My mother started throwing
clothes at me" I dont know w." she was cut off her heard shot up "we need to go forget the things meet me in the car" she was out of my room faster than humanaly posible I should be used to this but I wasnt I looked at my Hands and rubbed my for head I haven't had a permanent home since I was six and that is when it all begun I was at my Fathers house it was
strange remembering him wondering always about my other half
I had been put to bed early for bad behavior then a
dream no not a dream a vision. Ther was three
pail white things that looked like three human men but weren't I knew
what they were. I tried to free my self from the vision but
could not this frightened me I sat and watched them move cat through the woods.
They were all wearing worn black coats and the one in the
middle seemed to be the leader his eyes were crimson and hungry.
I was not sure what they were doing stalking hunting thier next prey.
Everything became clear when I saw from the hunters eyes and saw my
house my father on the porch smoking a cigar humming
a slow tune. I herd a slow rumble like a growl deep withing the throut of the hunter.
I freed my self
it was like a warning a sign i needed to leave and soon. I did the only thing I knew I called my mother who I had only
seen once before on my fourth birth day when she told me what I was what
I was what I was going to be She said to me when its time to just call for her

Answer
Frankly, I cannot give any worthwhile advice about the story of your first chapter. The blatant spelling, punctuation, formatting, and grammatical, errors are getting in the way of the meaning.

First, you should put it through a spell checker. Paste it into Word or another word processing application, or there is a free spell checker at http://www.jspell.com/public-spell-checker.html. This will help with the spelling problems. A spell checker won't catch everything (for example, you said "three pail white things," but I think you meant to say "three pale white things.") You just need to go through it and read every word again.

You need to use proper punctuation in every piece of writing unless it is a poem. You need coherent sentences with nouns and verbs. There should be commas, quotation marks, etc. where necessary. This should go without saying.

Along with this is proper formatting. Generally, books are written in paragraphs and not disjointed sentence fragments, especially for parts with dialogue. You could also vary your sentence structure and word usage if you really want to make it sound nice.

Grammar can be difficult because there are so many rules, and most people don't know all of them. I would just advise you to read through it again and change things that sound wrong in your head. You also might try buying a basic book of grammar or looking it up online.

I know I have had a lot of criticism, but I'm guessing that this is only the first draft of your first chapter. Once you fix it up a bit in a second draft, I'm sure it will read much better.

What's the thing that separates races?? COLOR or CULTURE?

I'm not racist i don't feel like my race is inferior to any other i just sometimes feel awkward sometimes when i'm with other people not because they are a different color but for the things they do. i'll sometimes just think that for me to fit in with other race i have to change.

Title Post: Ok I Wrote A Book Please Tell Me What You Think Of My First Chapter?
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Author: Yukie

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